Wednesday, August 26, 2009
As of Sunday, August 23, 2009, I am aware that I have been knocked up. I was not expecting it. I figured, through google research, that the reason my breasts ached constantly for weeks and I had those almost-that-time-of-the-month cramps that had persisted for the week previous was I must suffer from a hormonal imbalance. Pregnancy was nowhere in my range of possibilities. I would have thought I were going through early menopause before I thought of pregnant. Why you say? Well, it is basically impossible to tell when I am ovulating. My cycles can be anyone between 30-45 days. It seemed impossible for someone so irregular to ever time the deed just right, especially with a medical student for a mate. Way to busy to get busy. Doubly impossible for someone who was not even trying to time the dead.
So how did I ever find out? Well, during my recent trip to Utah my mom suggested that since I was heading to my dad's and would most likely find myself in the hot tub it would be best to test just in case. Wouldn't want to boil the poor thing on accident.
So, I peed on the stick and got a solid line and a faint line. What is with that!!! Was I kind of pregnant? My dad said "I think that is a no", but I remembered reading online in my hopeful days that any amount of that second line that exists had to come from the pregnancy hormone. I would pray that just a speck would show... but nope always negative. Fast forward to test two the next morning (they say the hormone is higher in the morning so I knew I would get a good answer then), the second line was darker but still faint. So here I am a few days later with test 3 (digital so that I can skip all that line nonsense) and it says PREGNANT.
I am not sure how I feel. Yes I want kids. But I wanted more control. When your trying to conceive I imagine succeeding is a much more exhilarating thing. But I wasn't trying; it just happened. I didn't succeed, it is just chance and partly miraculous. So I guess I am just amazed and scared. I don't have health insurance. I just recently moved to Wyoming so I don't know any doctors or women who have had babies here. What do I do? Will I even be able to get insurance with this "pre-existing condition"? I plan on applying for medicaid, so if all else fails hopefully I can fall back on it.
So here I am 5 weeks along (according to the Internet due date calculator) starting a blog. Not to be cutesy and brag about how excited I am. But to make a documentation for myself of this unexpected time of my life. The ups and the downs. The truth about my pregnancy. What it is really like for me.